As For Me and My House…

In the tumultuousness surrounding the election, my big move and wake of emotions that have come with both, there is a truth I have been reminded of ;  There’s nearly nothing more cathartic than a long talk with a close friend. Nearly Nothing so calming than being reminded of who you are, virtues and vices, through the eyes of someone that’s seen you at your best and loved you at your worst. It’s amazing what a genuine embrace can accomplish. I’m standing here in a little awe of what something as simple and heartfelt as a knowing nod or affirming glance can get us through. I’m so thankful to have had people I love here with me the last two days. I’ve been thinking of that since my friend Helen left last night and it’s stayed with me through the day as I got to visit with my SFOM Hilary and watch she and Emily play. Even though Amie’s gone her friends have come by, checked in, extended so much kindness. Being surrounded by all that love, watching my child whose perfection is so much a product of my family’s love, the anger and indignation I’ve felt seemed further and further away….And I realized I wanted it back. I needed it bc anger is the best body guard I’ve ever had. Anger protects me from fear and uncertainty, it keeps me from feeling betrayed or disappointed. Anger is my biggest fan when I feel left out, passed over, unheard, insignificant. It co-signs my sharp tongue and quick temper. I don’t have to feel guilty or empathetic when I’m angry. I don’t have to reach out or step up or be the bigger person. I can sit comfortably in my righteous indignation and justify dolling out the kind of judgement I claim so much disdain for. Anger is a fortress and fighter. It ends conversations, slams shut doors, Makes no concessions or compromises. Anger keeps the pain away. And while there’s a time for anger and though that time might be now, I cannot allow myself to indulge it for too long. Because anger overstayed turns to hatred. And in my home, in my family, with my friendships we do not hate. We love. We look honestly at our imperfections and we love through them. We stand together through highs and lows, rights and wrongs, peaks and valleys. We see the ugly, dirty, shameful truths about each other and we cover them in love. When divisiveness threatens we talk, we communicate, we extend empathy and we love. 

I have been less than loving toward my conservative friends and family throughout this election. To apologize for that now would be disingenuous. So I won’t. And I will not pretend to understand your belief set, I cannot condone your choice nor will I sugar coat the consequences of this man being our president. But I will love you regardless. I’ll never stop trying to reach out to you, I’ll be honest with you and I’ll listen when you’re honest with me.  I’ll do that out of love. I may not always succeed in being delicate or tactful, but I will try. I will try because love heals, love binds together, love soothes and comforts and calms. Love opens doors, stifles tempers, makes concessions and compromises. Love is a fortress and a fighter. And as for me and my house, we will spread the love. 


 

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