I’m home with Emily today as I have been for several weeks now, a blessing that my amazing girlfriend has afforded us. She works so hard and does so much for Our family, she takes care of us in a multitude of ways. I want to take care of her & make her happy. One way I try do that is keeping the house tidy so she has a comfortable place to be after work (I know, I sound like a 1950s home maker. Shut it) Now, I’m not the most domestic person. But… it turns out that if properly motivated, a “sexually liberated woman with a reputation for being amorous” CAN be turned into a housewife. 😻😽 So I take up this endeavor daily, doing chores and picking up, dusting, vacuuming… things I normally deplore. I do these things happily with gratitude in my heart bc I love my partner & our family & I want to match her effort.
Moving another adult, dog & a toddler
Into an apartment that’s been a bachelor pad for 12 years requires all manner of deep cleaning, scrubbing, sorting and throwing away. It gets very messy, cleaning. I’m standing knee deep in debris in our family room now as I calculate the amount of time I have before my darling walks through the front door & shouts “Honey I’m home!” . Looking around I realize there’s no way I’ll have this house in the shape I want it by the time Amie’s back . I began composing a text to her; “Babe the house is a disaster bc I’m cleaning it”. That doesn’t sound logical. It’s the truth, though. I am trying to make our space habitable and warm and comfortable for us all. Doing that has been, as I said, messy. It’s been uncomfortable. Rummaging through boxes and bags and drawer; deciding what is worth keeping and what needs to be thrown away; the allergy outbursts from kicked up dust and dirt that has been settled in cracks and crevices for over a decade; The bickering over what should go where, what is actually useful and what is just taking up space… It’s all been a lot. It’s necessary though. This messiness that we are existing in while working to make our home comfortable, welcoming and safe for each of us.
I couldn’t help but smile at the metaphor. We are a mess right now, America. A fucking mess. The dust and dirt we thought was gone had only settled quietly in the cracks. Our home, our space, our kingdom has become so polluted we barely recognize what is actually useful ,what parts of our past should remain with us and which parts should be trashed. We all have different styles of cleaning, clearing out and making room. It’s going to be dirty and uncomfortable for a while. Our knee jerk reaction is to throw our hands up at the disaster around us. To frustratingly lament on the good ole days when it was just us here and we could sit comfortably in our own junk. This process of making America habitable for all is going to be filthy, painful, and infuriating. We will uncover things that both disgust and fascinate us. Making America a welcome warm home for each of us again is going to take a long time. We will have to make interesting compromises and pair together absurd combinations just to make sure we all fit. But It WILL BE WORTH IT TO DO THIS RIGHT. This mess is kicking up old hurts and finding all the skeletons in all the closets. It’s showing who thinks their “things” are THE MOST important and who’s willing to fight the hardest to keep the things they need. We will walk through this transition period cringing but we will do so bc we know , we KNOW that this is not the condition our home will be in forever. We know we must work diligently and tirelessly to ensure that the way we ‘clean house’ allows everyone to be left with a happy, healthy space. ❤