I’m working towards a more healthy schedule for Britney Spears (thinking better of sharing my DD’s name & photos she’ll be referred to as Britney Spears for the purpose of anonymity. Yes, seriously.) and I. We are both night owls who stay up late. As a result, we sleep in almost every day. To change this I signed us up for some morning activities at our local Rec Center. We are currently taking Mommy/baby swimming lessons. Britney was NOT HAVING IT at swim practice today. She screamed the first 20 minutes. This was unusual, she normally loves the pool. I thought she must not be feeling well and decided to take her home. I stopped at the grocery store to get diapers and a thermometer. I was standing in the pharmacy,  mulling over which thermometer to buy when a petite woman with bright red hair came over to Britney. She began to baby talk her, touch her toes, ask us questions and make silly faces. It was only mildly annoying at first. Hinting at her to back up I said “She’s sick. Im just deciding on a thermometer”. The lady immediately got very serious. Her body went from relaxed to rigid as she reached oout and lightly palmed Britney’s head like a basketball. Before I could protest she began to pray over my baby. “God In heaven I ask you , in the name of the holy spirit, Heal this baby! Send your angels Lord, to cast out this Illness…I command in our lord’s name this sickness LEAVA-ES this child’s bod-ay” There was a pause for effect and then, in an evangelical inflection that would put Billy Graham to shame, She held her hand up to the sky, placed it back on Britney’s head and said “By his stripes we are HEALA-ed! AMEN!” I wasn’t sure how to respond to that—- So, I clapped —- She scowled at me then holy rolled her cart down to the incontinence aisle.

At this point, my mom had joined me. We got the shopping done quickly bc i was cold. I still had on my wet bathing suit under a tank and a long maxi skirt. I’m short, and even though the skirt doesn’t usually drag the ground,I’ve lost weight since buying it and it was damp, therefore heavier and longer. I was too preoccupied recounting the prayer incident to my mom to notice that my skirt had slipped down pretty low on my hips. I pushed the cart out of Kroger’s double doors and was crossing the area where vehicles pull up to drop people off or get their groceries loaded up; between the store and the parking lot. Mom was behind me asking a question. While I was answering, I suddenly felt…different….drafty…. I looked down to find that my hem had gotten caught in a wheel of the cart, so pushing it forward resulted in the sudden and immediate removal of my skirt. I was trying to pull the skirt loose from the wheel while simultaneously dancing around attempting to cover my naked legs. I was in a bottomless tug-a-war with a shopping cart, my mom behind me doubled over laughing and Britney Spears in her seat clapping. I was now blocking traffic. My alabaster legs so bright, they risk blinding oncoming motorist and causing a multi-car pile up. The Skirt would not budge. Finally, I had to do the only thing I could, I grabbed Britney, leaving mom to retrieve the skirt, snapped a pic (because, seriously I needed to document this), and then I threw my shoulders back, held my head up high and walked to my car. Pant-less.

❤