Come For the Show, Stay For the Finale’

I had been making snacks all day, for a 4th of July party tomorrow. I spent hours in the kitchen chopping, whipping, grating and arranging. Tenuous detail paid to every little piece of fruit or cracker. I attempted all sorts of patriotic food art. After all that , I have a total of ONE (1) snack made. The rest of them were basically inedible. Particularly, the bright blue “fruit dip” I threw together on a whim. I’m not sure where I first went wrong, but the blue food dye was the nail in the coffin. I realized this too late, as I had plopped a big ‘ole spoon full down on Emily’s high chair. I ,occasionally, give her a spoon full of Greek yogurt on some graham crackers. She ends up playing in the yogurt, more than eating it. So, I gave her some cookie cutters and a big glob of vanilla yogurt whipped with cream cheese and blue food dye. I figured she’d just play in it, absent the crackers. I wanted to get to work on my next snack. About an hour, 2 failed “Firecracker Berry Delights” and one very blue baby later, I conceded. Before rinsing my little Smurf off, I arranged a simple, “Stars and Stripes Fruit Tray”. It’s not gonna be inspiring any Pinterest boards, but it’s cute. Emily went in the sink to be hosed down, then I cleaned up the carnage. Finally , we headed upstairs for a nap. But, then I remembered a NEW snack! A very simple snack my friend Jackie Sent me. It was perfect. The only thing I needed was every single ingredient and 2 beach buckets with shovels. There was no time for napping. I dressed Emily and off we went . I got everything I needed at Kroger for the food, but I still needed the beach buckets. I ran home to drop the cold items off and change Emily. My mom was there, so she joined us on a trip to Walmart. Have you ever been to Wal Mart, in back woods south Texas, on the Eve of Independence Day? It’s a treat. So. Many. Mullets. Shoes are totally optionally with that crowd. We grabbed some necessities , and got out just as the banjo music started. Wal Mart didn’t have the buckets, either. We finally got them at Big Lots. Before heading home ,we stopped at Chick Fil A. As usual, both lines were snaked out of the parking lot. We decided to just go in. This was the sports parents crowd, with some young couples here and there. My mom went to the counter to order. I plopped our stuff down on a table and turned to get a high chair. Deciding, instead, that we should take the food to go, I headed back to our table to wait. I was holding Emily, standing in the aisle , waiting for someone to move so I could sit us down. All of the sudden, I saw this gush of white liquid fly out in front of me ,with the force and trajectory of a fire hose. It went on for about 5 straight seconds. It wasn’t until it stopped,that I saw the person sitting at the left of our table -and the other party ,on the immediate right of our table -staring back at me,in wide eyed disgust ,as they wiped something… What is that all over the table ? And in that girl’s hair?….OH. HOLY. GOD. My child just projectile vomited all over a table that was several feet in front of her, splattering 2 innocent bystanders in the process. I looked down in my arms to see her grinning at these people ,Big as Texas, and CLAPPING.
For a moment we all just froze, staring at each other in disbelief. When the girl on my right, turned to wipe her chair… and her shoulder…off, I saw that she was about 7 months pregnant. She looked stunned and said something along the lines of “that must have been really embarrassing”, as she stood to help me clean up the mess. The older lady to my left patted my hand , while I dabbed at a spot on her back. She said she had several children, even more grandchildren, and had been subjected to much grosser things in her lifetime. I sighed in relief , at not having to pay for someone’s dry cleaning or hair extensions. The AMAZING – seriously PHENOMENALLY kind and graciously helpful- staff at Chick-Fill-A descended on the table with paper towels , antiseptic , odor neutralizing sprays and wouldn’t even let me help.
I did get some strange looks when I took pictures of Emily with her handy work. Resisting the urge to blurt out “I’m just documenting this for my blog!” ,I meekly gathered our things and crept out.
Moral of the story; Be careful what you use to distract your kids. It could make them throw up later.

We were standing on the opposite side of the aisle, a few feet away from this table. My purse was there at the very end. She filled my purse up. This was an Exorcist Style puke.

Ruined my purse. I know it’s gross but it was so epic I’m almost impressed.

This is about half the people who were staring at us 5 minutes ago. Lol


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